A Vampire’s Release

I picked myself up and dusted off my jeans. The blood beginning to soak through random areas where the knife met the brown flesh which covers me. I could hear him walking behind me with his newly welcomed limp I had bestowed upon him. “I will not hurt you” he said. The beating of my heart going one hundred miles per beat could be heard across the swamp basin. I enlisted the help of the courage within me to walk faster to the road. The streams of blood making their way down my blanched face. My cries became louder. My fear became massive. The darkness of the swamp makes it harder for me to see what lies ahead of me. I hold myself up against every other tree of the Atchafalaya Swamp. The trees hovering over me like protectors of the swamp. The taste of metallic in my mouth causes me to spit out the blood that has accumulated from the second punch to my face. The drops of blood appearing faster than I can wipe off. I continue on this treacherous journey. Soon I see a light. “I will not hurt you, let me make you mine.” echoed through the trees. I run faster towards the light, tripping on roots of trees and swampy sediment. I smell the gravel nearing. As I prepare to take my final step, I am caught up in his arms. He holds me from behind and as he nears his mouth to my neck he places his hands on my abdomen and gently states I will let you free “but if anyone asks, tell them we’re fine.” He takes his final bite from my neck and releases me.

©Valerie

Reflejos de Mí

I am weak
Soy Fuerte
I have been knocked down
I have been “uplifted”
I have seen myself negro y azul
I have seen myself distorted
He visto mi piel sangrar
I am scarred
I am damaged
I have seen myself looking in strongly wishing I was looking out
I have felt life dentro de mi
I have had life taken from me
I have seen my flesh go from white to brown
He sonreído
I most definitely have llorardo
I have found my inner-self
Only to have lost “her” several times along the way
I have lost loved ones
Only to gain new ones
I have felt my heart stop
Only to feel it beat ten times stronger
This is me; this is my footprint in life
I am visible for ALL to see
One day, I will be visible in that mirror called Life
Un Dia, I will be visible to MYSELF

Reposted in response to the Daily Post: Unleashing Your Dickinson

Originally posted on November 22, 2014

**Author’s Note** It had been years since I had taken pen to paper to write a work of Poetry. I sat at my desk one evening back in November and the words began to flow and I was not able to contain them. Reflections of Myself was composed.

©Valerie

Photo Credit: imgarcade.com

Lists-O-Matic

Our world is consumed with lists. We have grocery lists, task lists, wish lists, checklists, and of course the most popular among Humanity the Bucket List.

When I was younger I dreamed of all the places I wanted to see and of all the things I wanted to do before that day where I took my last breath. I have been somewhat lucky in that I have been able to check some of those things off. My bucket list was never as large and elaborate as some I have crossed paths with but it had flavor.

Although I have not been able to check off all my items at my current age of 38, life is still very much flowing through my veins. Life is what we make of it, right? Well if this is the case my life isn’t complete just yet.

See despite being indoctrinated with the traditional mantra of what a Mexican-American girl should accomplish in life; marriage and kids I myself never wanted to be a Mom. During my Barbie and Cabbage Patch Kids years I could never understand as to why someone would willingly want to take on the duty of having to care for someone. I never made this feeling public for fear of being shunned within the cultura of my family. However; despite my feeling towards children when I was younger I would never take back the days I felt life within me and the days I welcomed them into my arms for the first time. Being a Mom might not have been on my original bucket list but I am glad it made its way onto it.

My bucket list took a detour along the way and now this list encompasses a much more different approach. Some of the things I wanted to do as a younger girl now consists of doing them with the Best two souls I was given. Running my first 5k had more heart and soul into it knowing my children were waiting with pride at the finish line for me. Slow dancing in the rain with a loved one had a different kind of amor built into it. Although I am sure they may not remember, I slow danced in the rain with each of my babies. The feeling of love coming from their eyes as they looked into mine and hearing my heartbeat was a much better feeling than dancing in the rain with the man who I consider is the “love of my life.”

The bucket list of my youth started to grow as a family bucket list. The kids now hoping to visit IKEA in the store’s home country, Sweden. We were even able to complete another family IKEA milestone a few years ago when we visited every IKEA in Texas…yes all 3 of them.

Now I look forward to enjoying my bucket list with them, visiting Puerto Rico and walking along the beaches together as a family. We hope to visit NOLA as a family and although my original was to celebrate Mardi Gras in NOLA that will just have to be at some other point of time in my life. Tornado chasing well, that may very well be the only original thing on my bucket list I will have do alone. I don’t think my lovelies want to join in on that craziness.

“Guess it comes down to a simple choice really, Get busy living, or get busy dying.” Shawshank Redemption

©Valerie

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The Daily Post: The Satisfaction of a List

La Perdida (The lost One)

Do we mujeres tend to look into something a bit too much? I last saw him Saturday morning. We hung out for an hour or so and talked. We mentioned how we had missed each other and so forth. Is it wrong for me to think that maybe something has “happened” with us because I have not seen or heard from him since?

Am I looking too much into it? I feel perdida. How hard is it to send a text message? What is a few seconds in composing one and sending it just so the other person can know that they still mean something. Me siento usada…is he playing a game with me? Is this is all for sh**s and giggles?

I was perfectly bien with being “alone” before he came in and ruffled my feathers. Ahora, I can’t seem to stop thinking of him. I hate that feeling! I hate the feeling of “needing” someone…but honestly I’m jonesing for him. Es mi droga! Lo necesito!

I want to hear his voice, feel his arms around me, see his eyes looking at me…really looking at me.

Que me paso? Este hombre…he knows how to keep me on my toes. As much as I want to send him a text and tell him “Chinga tu Madre…I don’t need you nor want you.”

But I can’t…I will continue to stare at my phone until hopefully, I see his name re-appear again.

©Valerie