A Heart’s Journey–Chapter 3


The letters traveled miles between both countries from city to city. The wastebasket overflowed with endless amounts of paper containing words that seemed appropriate at the time they were composed. My rucksack was filled with colorful pens, pens that had fragrance to them, and pens that awoke my hunger for him. I went weeks in the same routine. I would wake and start my day thinking of him. I wrote my daily letters some of which never had the pleasure of securing a postal stamp for their future. I went off to school and did my best to keep up appearances. I had become a victim of depression. My family became suspicious of the new me. They did their best in rescuing me from the illness that had overtaken my soul. The minutes quickly became hours and hours became days. Those days took a lifetime to turn into months.

“Life goes on” said Kylie. Why did everyone insist of forcing these three words down my throat? I knew life went on, I was doing my best to get myself going. I had zero difficulty acclimating to living back in the states. I was enrolled in the public school that serviced our address and I immediately fell in with one of the clicks. Life obviously did go on. “Mads, he hasn’t been able to stop staring at you.” Rochelle whispered from across our Science lab table. Despite having repeatedly expressed my lack of enthusiasm for the dating world it seemed Rochelle had plans to invade my desires with talk of him. “I just can not grasp your negativity towards him Mads,” Rochelle wrote on the book cover. It wasn’t as if I had any qualms towards him, I just felt that it was too soon. Tyler had the whole package; he was an A honor student, he played on both the A team 8th grade football and basketball teams, he was President of Student Council, and he had single-handedly orchestrated a literacy program for the community. It was not as if I had not taken notice, after all I still had blood flowing forcefully through my veins. I may have felt as if I had perished after my return to the states but the tick tock of my heart kept its melody. He had this tantalizing sparkle in his eyes. His voice was poetic. “I guess our numbers matched” he said softly as he stood next to the table Rochelle and I were sitting at. It was now almost four months into my return and this was the first time he had said a word to me. We had exchanged the usual glances while walking the hallways yet, verbal contact had never been conquered.

The school year progressed and Tyler and I grew to incorporate each other into one another’s daily lives. We would pop in from time to time at our local cinema to catch the latest horror flick. It was pure ecstasy when he would gently hold my hand due to his heightened fright of these movies. Despite all this, he would still watch them as I myself enjoyed them. One afternoon on a blistering humid day as we sat on the rock formation in the neighborhood park he spoke gently along the nape of my neck “Maddie, how about we holster up the courage and take a trip to the underworld.” I am sure while my words were being collected in my mind I had a look of utter confusion. “The Underworld? Tyler you say the most comical things ever.” At that moment he walked around and while facing me he pulled me in to him and secured his partially opened lips up to mine. His wetness secured me. We had exchanged several kisses along the way. The first date kiss on the hand, the notorious I will care for you kiss on the forehead while you are running a 104° blazing fever, and of course our first lip sync kiss. This time it was different. This time I had embodied it; I embodied my feelings to it and realized I had moved on.

The following weekend while his parents were away for their 10th wedding anniversary he invited me over. He had been left in the care of his older brother who clearly was in no way able to care for anyone let alone himself. They had only been gone for a day and half and what was once a beautiful well-kept home was now in chaos. I helped myself to their kitchen and let my hands do the talking. I talked my way around the counters, wiping away crumbs, old crusted partial sandwiches, and glass after glass methodically filled with drinks. My hands kept talking as I stood in front of their white porcelain farmhouse sink taking the horrible odor filled sponge and following every crevice of glassware. I felt like an artist caressing the canvas with the strokes of his brush. He made his way up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist “Your smell is hypnotizing me” he said. My hands were encrusted with white soap suds which neither one of us cared about. We kissed passionately. His lips took occupancy on my neck where I succumbed to the delicate suckling of his mouth. “Ty, we need to stop. Your brother may walk in.” were repeated as if I were a scratched CD. Button after button became undone on my for once perfectly ironed chiffon blouse. The passion surrounding us was magnetic. We were drawn to each other and at this moment not a single thing or person could pull us apart. Until of course his family’s English bulldog, Lilly came pouncing on us. The magic had been lifted if for only a few minutes. Ten minutes later the sensationalism of teen age love resumed its course. It was painful, it was beautiful, it was awkward, and it was heaven. It was an “I love you Maddie’ on verbal repeat. It was “Ditto” on my end.Of course, I loved him. I would not be with him had I not had intense feelings for him. Yet, a piece of me with each trust within me wanted it to be Bobby. I had craved this moment with someone else. I brought him in close to my chest where our hearts played a tapping game against each other so he could feel my warmth and not see it was not him I was visioning.

Two days later on the eve of our eleventh month anniversary having returned to the states I awoke to a loud knock on my bedroom door. “Madelyne, we need to head to base to renew your military ID” my mother shouted from the living room. I sat up in my bed and made my way to brush my teeth, comb out the deadly tangles to my curly hair of a bird’s nest, and threw something on. I was quiet on the drive to our destination. Then again my mom and I never really had a communicative type of relationship. We got to our destination and as I walked to secure my place in line for my ID I heard a distant voice. “Hey stranger.” I ignored the voice and took a step up to the next position. The voice became clearer and stronger. “Madster.” Only a few people called me by that name and none of them lived in this town. I turned around and locked vision on Jake. He was Bobby’s best friend on base. They were inseparable. It was him who looked out for us. He knew the dire consequences should the day the relationship between Bobby and I became public in the world of the Military. His hug was like a ray of sunshine. It was nice to see someone from the past I had {was} not trying to forget. We spoke for almost twenty minutes. He told me that Bobby had met a nice German lady and would be getting married upon their return to states. “He was lost Madster, we all thought he would never be found after you left.” he said. My heart sunk deep into my chest that for a brief moment I thought I had died.

“That is great news” I told Jake. It was a lie, a lie which will never be true. I spoke to him about Tyler and how great of guy he was. The words were not lies, he really was a great guy but he wasn’t Bobby. “We are strong, he completes me.” I uttered. “Number 27…Number 27 please report to window 3” came over the loud speaker. I peeked at my number taken from the red dial-a-number gadget upon entering the building. “That’s me. Are you stationed here?” I asked. “Yes, got orders to be stateside for six months, my MOS is here.” he said. I gave him my home number and told him to keep in touch. We exchanged a friendly hug and said we would keep in touch.
I was numb when I appeared at the window. I was in a lost daze and not able to properly function. I had been betrayed. I took the picture waited a few minutes collected my card and walked to where my Mom was waiting. On the drive home she had asked who the gentleman was and I told her about Bobby and our relationship and that Jake was his best friend. “Heartache’s will come and go Madelyne, it is how you chose to handle them that define you as a person.” she said. My Mom finally had made sense of something. It was up to me to make this heartache I had just encountered into a positive thing.

I called Ty when I got home. “Hey Punk, we should go watch a movie tonight, I miss you.” It sounded as the phone receiver had dropped and the sound of his jaw had hit the floor in unison. “I will be right over.” he whispered into the receiver. I had grown to like his whispered words. They were his way of flirting with me.

He held my hand and kissed my lips while we waited in line at the cinema concession stand. I ordered my usual; soda, pickle, and small popcorn and turned to my left to walk and make room. My clumsiness-self strolled right into this gentleman who was making his way to purchase his goods. I looked up, and my heart sank. “Madster?” he said with passion. “Bobby, I um, oh goodness I am sorry.” I had drenched him with my drink. “Why are you always dropping things?” he joked. It was by this time that Tyler had realized I was having a conversation with this stranger and was hurriedly trying to wrap things up at the counter. I could sense the hesitation between the both of us; do we exchange hugs, handshakes, what was appropriate? We had a past and he wrapped me up in his arms.

**Chapter 3**


Image Source: freecodesource.com


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