Love and a Keyboard

Despite a certain individual coming back into my life, la verdad es, he is not mine to love at this present moment. I always say life has its reasoning behind the obstacles it gives us. I can only assume the non-availability on his part is to allow our heart to grow stronger for each other. So IF down the road he is available to give me his heart and I mine, our love will be stronger than what it was in the past and it will be forever.

Dating, I cringe at that word. What exactly is dating nowadays? Is it a few coffee meetings and maybe a movie? Is it daily texts and calls with someone you have interest in? At the constant badgering of a few amigas I decided to take the plunge and join an online dating site. To be honest, I am not quite sure que es lo que estoy buscando in this adventure. I am not sure if I can give my heart to anyone else, nor if I want to lose my singlehood. I do know that life must continue to push forward and my social calendar needs to start having a few items added to it other than los béisbol games of my son’s and family functions.
I took the first step and created a profile earlier in the week on a certain online dating site. I felt like a salesman trying to sell a car during the entire set up process. How do you tell about yourself in a few paragraphs without sounding like a narcissist? Needless to say empecé a escribir sentence after sentence. I found myself deleting then re-writing what I had just deleted and deleting it all over again. This went on for the most part of forty-five minutes. I finally settled on a few sentences and kept them really basic. I figured less is more, right? So, I proceeded to polish off my sentences with a few descriptive words and uploaded a profile picture. I will admit I was a bit hesitant on pushing that “create profile” button nonetheless, I gently laid my finger on the mouse and pressed the button.

Now came the waiting game. A sense of fear encapsulated me. I did not want to be sent back to elementary and being the last one picked during PE because no one wanted me on their team from the start. I did not want to be the last pick. Yet, with that minuscule amount of fear came a sense of relief. I am not sure if it was because the hard part was done or if it was just my inner self saying this was okay and it was what I needed. After all, we are humans. We need adult stimulation. We all crave that adult stimulation. I am not just talking about intimacy to the seventh degree but a real connection. Conversation that goes past the middle school drama circulating on your child’s school campus or the drama of teenage love on the cusp of young adult love.

Then it happened. The first notification arrived on my phone instantly. Sentí como Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail” in which she gets giddy upon the incoming mail notification. I kindly welcomed the butterflies that took up residence within my body in those few minutes. I read the one line mensaje and responded with a generic “Hello, how are you?” I opened up another screen to peruse his profile. His profile had some common interests along with mine and it was not as if he was not easy on the eyes. I kept reading and despite one of my biggest pet peeves (a narcissistic personality) I had to see past the fact that an online profile was just that. We had to sell ourselves! He stood out. I waited for a reply. Seconds turned into minutes and two minutes turned into five minutes and so forth. Finally, after about twenty minutes he responded. He mentioned he liked my smile and asked a few more questions. I politely answered each of them. This conversation went on for almost two hours. I started to feel a bit better about the whole thing.

It has now been four days since my sign up and I am still talking to this person. First date is scheduled para hoy en la noche and yet again fear is staring me in the face. As much as I want to cancel, I know I need to do this. I want to do this. What will it hurt, either I make a friend or I meet someone to possibly share a piece of my life with.

Stay tuned…


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