I had the pleasure to catch up con familia from Mexico over the weekend. It had been almost 22 years since the last time I had seen them. I was given the latest gossip on the remainder of the family who was unable to make the trek to celebrate with us. I was told about a cousin of mine who basically has abandoned his kids at the hands of his mother. This lady from my earliest memory has always worked hard. She would wake up at 4 am every morning to make her husband, mi Tío his breakfast and pack his lunch; she would get her two children ready for school, and get the house in order. Mind you, she did all this before she herself had to report to work at 6:30 am. My Tia has been cleaning houses and buildings in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico since she was 12 years old. She is now 62. Her life should be about retirement and basking in the glory of her hard earned earnings and doing things for herself. Instead, she has been left to raise her grandchildren and has also taken on the task of caring for her daughter-in-law who seems to be suffering from flojeria.
The chisme was as juicy as I could have wanted until it was flipped.
What do you know, mi nombre emerged de la boca de mi Tia. I was stunned at how the gossip was projected my way. I was the good kid. The one who despite having kids decided to take on the challenging task of returning to school and earning my degree all while being a single parent.
I should interject here and state that I was applauded for that. All other aspects of my life were in working order. I had secured a good job and was living on my own and was lucky to still be socially alive after two divorces. Of course, it did not go without making notice that my life could be a bit better if I had a husband.
Then it happened, the second blow came around and punched me deep in the stomach. The value of my worth as a woman was minimized because I had only bore two children.
Apparently, a woman’s worth is calculated on the number of children she brings into this world.
I would like to think that this mentality is due to the generational gap between my Tia and myself and that mis primas who are similar in age do not share the same ideology. I can understand the ideology behind having many kids back then because it allowed for extra hands to help in the fields and around the home. My Tia I am sure would have had more than two had she not suffered a horrible miscarriage after the birth of my cousin which left her having an emergency hysterectomy. Due to this fact of her only having given birth to two children it struck me odd that she was targeting me for only having had two kids myself.
In this darkly conversation, she pointed out “facts” as to the damage I had bestowed upon my children because I did not procreate further past my son. My son being the one who would suffer the most because, he is the only male I gave birth too. My son was the only good thing that came from my second marriage.
I inquired into the damage I had caused in my lack of further procreation and was told because he would have to carry his sister on his shoulders his entire life. I am quite sure that the only carrying he may have to do in regards to his sister will be the day she decides (should she decide) to have children of her own and he will have the honor to carry his nephew or niece.
Did I not know that due to the fact I had only had life within me twice I was less of a woman than the one who gave birth to three or four. In this regards, the Duggar mother must be ALL woman seeing as she has had nineteen!
Sorry, but no thank you. I will not allow my worth as a woman be determined by my “lack” of procreating. I refuse to go through life thinking that one woman is worth more than I am nor, do I wish for that mentality to poison my daughter’s mind should she decide to stay childless.
A woman’s worth can only be calculated by that woman herself and no one else, ni familia, ni amigos, and least of all Society.
*despite this sucker punch, I still love my Tia even if her views are ass backwards*
A woman’s worth is what each woman makes their’s out to be!!
This is exactly what is wrong with Society.